At some point, every therapist will encounter a client seeking help with sexual issues.

Clients often worry about too much sex, not enough sex, no sex, bad sex, strange sex, compulsive sex, porn sex, and many other sexual issues. Digital technology likely impacts these issues in various ways and degrees.

Unfortunately, many therapists lack the necessary training to handle sexual issues. Even therapists who specialize in sexuality often fail to grasp digital technology’s ever-expanding role in sexual expression and interaction.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing issues related to sex and romance, it is imperative that you find the right therapist for your situation.

Issues You Might Be Facing

Infidelity

In today’s world, infidelity increasingly begins and takes place online. Hookup apps, affair apps, porn, webcams, and even social media provide ample means for meeting, flirting, romancing, and being sexual. And the fact that infidelity takes place in the digital sphere rather than in person matters not at all. Cheating is cheating, whether it’s online or real world. Relationship trust loss hurts regardless. Cheaters using digital technology problematically must account for its impact when they make meaningful changes, and they need guidance from a fully knowledgeable therapist.

Sexual Dysfunction

Much of the time, erectile dysfunction, Genito pelvic pain/penetration disorder, and related issues can be addressed with medication and by helping clients adapt to the age-related changes that naturally affect sexual functioning and desire. Sex therapist handles such issues—until technology, especially pornography, enters the picture. Pornography in particular leads to issues with sexual performance, including erectile dysfunction, delayed orgasm, and anorgasmia (the inability to reach orgasm). If this is the case, a more specialized and knowledgeable therapist is needed.

Compulsivity

It is easy for some people to become excessively preoccupied with sex, creating not only relational but countless other life problems (trouble at work or in school, loss of interest in other activities, inability to stay emotionally connected and present with family and friends, and more). At times, compulsive sexuality, especially online, can be used as a coping mechanism—a form of emotional escape engaged in when the user feels stress, anxiety, boredom, shame, or other types of emotional discomfort. As a result, the behaviors can become incredibly difficult to quit, again suggesting the need for a highly specialized and knowledgeable therapist.

Offending

There are two definitions of sexual offending. The first is the legal definition, which varies by jurisdiction. The second is the clinical definition, which is nonconsensual sexual activity. Either way, sexual offending often begins, or entirely occurs online. In such cases, you need a therapist who not only can handle offenders but who knows the ins and outs of online offending.

Orientation, Kink/Fetish, Paraphilia

Sexual orientation is defined by the gender (or genders) to which a person is sexually and romantically attracted. Kink is a non-conformist sexual behavior used to spice up one’s sex life. Fetish is basically kink on steroids, meaning the behavior is necessary for a person to experience sexual arousal. Paraphilia is a sexual desire that creates negative self-image or negative life consequences. The internet has opened many people’s eyes to sexual variations in the world—porn is especially potent in this regard—prompting countless people to seek therapy related to what turns them on. Once again, when digital technology enters the picture, the right therapist is paramount.

How Do You Find the Right Therapist?

Once again, NOT EVERY THERAPIST is the RIGHT THERAPIST for RIGHT ISSUE. Each clinician has specific training and areas of specialization, so before embarking on a course of treatment, you should ASK QUESTIONS to make sure YOU’RE TALKING TO THE RIGHT PERSON.

If you do not feel comfortable with the answers you receive, look for another clinician. Therapist-shopping is not taboo; in fact, it’s highly recommended. AND THE MORE SPECIFIC YOUR ISSUES ARE, THE MORE SPECIALIZED YOUR THERAPIST SHOULD BE.