Counselling
PORN/SEX ADDICTION
“Every small step in the right direction
becomes the start of something amazing”
Sexual addiction is something both men and women can struggle with, and can be associated with various reasons. All we here at Thrive Beyond Trauma Counseling can say is that you don’t have to do this alone.
We are a team of CSAT/CMAT therapist that have received specialized training in sexual addiction and multiple addiction and can help you define and achieve your healthy goals. Through assessments, individual counseling, recovery start kit, Dr. Patrick Carns 30 task recovery model, individual counseling, partner support and group therapy you can break free from this addictive patterns and work towards a life of healthy living.
Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment. Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, sexual addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive sexual behavior.
Sex addicts come from all walks of life: male and female, all sexual orientations, ages from pre-teens to senior citizens, those employed as laborers or CEOs of major organizations. Many addicts were abused as children – sexually, physically, and/or emotionally. Many grew up in families in which addiction already flourished, including alcoholism, drugs, gambling, and/or compulsive eating. Most grapple with other addictions in addition to sex addiction, but often find overcoming sexual addiction the most difficult.
Much hope nevertheless exists for these addicts and their families. Sex addicts have shown an ability to transform a life of self-destruction into a life of self-care, a life in chaos and despair into one of confidence and peace. Dr. Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows (1983).
Yes, it can. First, it is important to understand what addiction is. Understanding the basic fundamentals can help you compare sex addiction to other types of addiction you may be more familiar with, such as drugs or alcohol. Although there are not any substances such as cocaine or beer involved, the brain releases certain chemicals during the performance of sexual behaviors that create the same type of “high” feeling as addictive substances. It is these “high” feelings that become addictive, and therefore, the behavior that helped create that feeling becomes necessary, not voluntary. Dr. Patrick Carnes in his book, Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict states, “Contrary to enjoying sex as a self-affirming source of physical pleasure, the sex addict has learned to rely on sex for comfort from pain, nurturing, or relief from stress, etc., the way an alcoholic relies on alcohol, or a drug addict on drugs.” It is important to note that this doesn’t mean that just because a person feels good or euphoric after sex or some other sexual behavior he or she is an addict. If you are concerned you may be addicted to sex or a sexual behavior, please reach out to one of our specially trained therapists for help. Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (1989), Dr. Patrick Carnes.
The trend in the current psychological literature about “How much is too much” has changed over the years. We no longer quantify (or put a number to) how many times a day is too much. Rather, we look at it from a quality of life viewpoint; meaning that a 21-year-old can have sex or masturbate several times a day and still be “okay.”
The problem, we believe, becomes a problem when the sexual acting out behavior impairs other areas of life. For example, having unprotected sex with many anonymous partners and thereby putting oneself at risk to catch STDs or HIV; masturbating to the point of injury; missing school or work because he or she is busy engaging in or recovering from the sexual activity; continues behavior despite consequences (loss of job, legal problems, broken relationships, etc).
Answer the six questions below truthfully. If your response is, “yes” to just one of these questions, you may find it helpful to explore further with one of our therapists. We have additional assessments to help you. A positive response to three or more means you should seriously consider contacting us right away.
1. Do You Often Find Yourself Preoccupied With Sexual Thoughts?
A person suffering from sexual addiction may feel as though sex is taking over their life. Perhaps they find themselves constantly looking at pornography or seeking partners for casual sex. These activities will take up more and more of a person’s time until the behavior starts to impact their life negatively.
2. Do You Hide Some Of Your Sexual Behavior From Others?
Sex addicts can often find themselves lying about sexual activities they have engaged in outside of their relationship. They will go to great lengths to hide their behavior from a spouse or significant other, even when they know that their activities put their loved one’s health at risk.
3. Have You Ever Sought Help For Sexual Behavior You Did Not Like?
Sexual addiction is just that, compulsive sexual behaviors that a person cannot consistently control. Perhaps you have tried seeking help before but were unsuccessful. This does not mean you have to deal with your addiction alone.
4. Has Anyone Been Hurt Emotionally Because Of Your Sexual Behavior?
The compulsive behavior often associated with sexual addiction can negatively affect the most intimate parts of a relationship. The effects of this behavior can compromise trust and profoundly hurt those the addict cares about most.
5. Do You Feel Controlled By Your Sexual Desire?
When a person’s sexual impulses start taking over, their life can start feeling unmanageable. If you feel as though you could accomplish more with your life if you had your desires under control.
6. When You Have Sex, Do You Feel Depressed Afterward?
Sex addicts often use sex as a means of coping with problems in their lives, only to discover that they feel worse after the act. There can be a need for more variety and energy in their sexual activities to achieve their desired level of satisfaction. In some cases, a sex addict’s self-worth becomes intertwined with their ability to find sufficient sexual satisfaction.
If more than three of these questions resonated with you then it is highly recommended that you reach out and speak with a sex addiction counselor.
You can also take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test, a free online survey designed to help individuals tell the difference between addictive and non-addictive sexual behavior. Click here to learn more.
We offer counseling for couples and groups dealing with the effects of sexual addiction.
Did you know there are 20 identified behavior categories of sexual behaviors?
Within these categories, 164 different behaviors have been identified as problem areas for sex addicts. Just like drug addicts who may have a problem with heroin, but not meth, not all addicts have every behavior and not all behaviors indicate addiction, though if continued, can lead to that in some cases. Some behaviors just cause more problems for some people.
There are some questions you can ask yourself to determine if a behavior might be problematic:
- Does it hurt you?
- Do you feel as though you need to do the behavior?
- Does it hurt someone else? (physical, emotional, financial, etc.)
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it is recommended you explore this with an IITAP-trained professional.
Some sexually compulsive behaviors include but are not limited to:
- Pornography
- Cybersex (internet porn, chat rooms, and other adult websites)
- Compulsive masturbation
- Affairs or multiple partners
- Professional boundary violations
- Exhibitionism
- Voyeurism
- Paying for sex
- Strip clubs
- Sexual behavior that repeatedly conflicts with a person’s commitments
- Sexual behavior that repeatedly conflicts with a person’s values
- Sexual behavior that repeatedly conflicts with a person’s self-control
- Sexual behavior that repeatedly conflicts with a person’s consequences
- Sexual behavior that repeatedly conflicts with a person’s responsibility
Treatment often begins with an assessment to determine if the client is truly struggling with sexual addiction or whether there are other reasons for these types of problematic sexual behaviors.
Once it is determined that the person is struggling with sexual addiction, the next step in treatment is to learn appropriate and effective skills and tools to stop and maintain freedom from sexually compulsive behaviors.
Following sobriety from sexually compulsive behaviors, it becomes important to learn how this addiction came to be and what could be possibly fueling it from the past or present. Lastly, treatment focuses on repair and recovery in the addict’s relationship with self and partners.
Without treatment, recovery from sexual addiction can be very difficult.
Sexual health is the objective of treatment, where sexuality should be an integral and balanced part of everyone’s life. Overcoming sexual addictions requires commitment, hard work, and settling for nothing less than a full recovery. With it comes integrity, true intimacy, and joy.
We utilize research-based assessment tools and the 30-task model treatment methodology to deliver an unprecedented approach to addiction recovery for trauma, sexual addiction, and co-occurring addictions and have been trained and certified by recognized leaders and experts within the field of sex addiction and multiple addiction and recovery.
We help you look and reflect on sexual behavior assess its impact on your life and help you identify how you have been violating one or more of your person’s core values. We help you also reflect on the damaging consequences of the behaviors and help you move beyond your denial.
Help you see that the addiction is an intimacy disorder, which requires relational work and support, including crisis relational education, therapy for you and your partner, learning the skill of empathy, and help with coaching and practicing it hence instilling hope and determination required to heal and live life to your fullest potential.
PORN/SEX ADDICTION
This group is designed to help men who have just begun their sexual addiction recovery & want to better understand what it takes to move beyond addictive bondage to healthy freedom.
WOMEN'S INTIMACY GROUP
What we have uncovered in our experience is Porn and Sex Addiction might look similar for men and women on the outside but presents itself very differently.
GROUP-FEMALE PARTNER BETRAYAL TRAUMA
This group is for WOMEN who find themselves trapped, overwhelmed, or unsure how to respond to the shock of an intimate partner’s INFIDELITY, addiction, or chronic deceit.
GROUP - MALE PARTNER BETRAYAL TRAUMA
This group is for MEN who find themselves trapped, overwhelmed, or unsure how to respond to the shock of an intimate partner’s INFIDELITY, addiction, or chronic deceit.
TRAUMA GROUP
Trauma can result from stressful exposure to any type of single event or repetitive situation that leaves us feeling stuck with painful feelings and negative beliefs.